Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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