3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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