She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
