ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
