Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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