I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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