Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
