i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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