You made me cry and you don't even care
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
