with your own penis?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
