RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I am full of burrito and curiosity
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
