Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
