my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
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