when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Is it because I queefed?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
