just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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