??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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