everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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