I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
