I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
