could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
