I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
