apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
