I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
