Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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