piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
