my phone cant type all the emotion im having
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
