the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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