You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
