Your mouth is God's brothel.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
