I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
