I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
