Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
