Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
