So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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