3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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