Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
