If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
