I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
