worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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