she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
