you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
