coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
