Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
