Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
