She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
