I need help removing her.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
