Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
