I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
