Porn is love you can see.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
