Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
