M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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