how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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